Open Letter to the Lover

Dear Lover, Cudda Buddy, Hubby, Mr. (you get the point):

This is an open letter to you. No, we do not wish to hurt your feelings or destroy your pride, but you are sooo not getting the hint.

Yes we love you and enjoy being intimate with you (dare we say the word sex) but, there are a few things that we kind of would like to tweak to make things better. Here they are:

1.       If you have to grab the boobies – be gentle. They are a part of our bodies and cannot go anywhere.

2.       Speak clearly during sex; we cannot talk nasty back if we can’t understand what the heck you’re saying to respond to it.

3.       We get that all that extra exertion makes you sweat, but do you have to always leave the wet spot on our side of the bed.

4.       There are many different sides to us and we do not always want it the same way, change it up.

5.       We understand that sometimes you will finish before we do, but can you at least go another round to be fair.

6.       If we do not respond when you  when  you say what’s my name, you are either doing a great job  and we can’t talk  or  you are horrible and we are using a focal point and don’t want to blurt out the wrong name.

7.       Sometimes we  really do not want foreplay, if we are being aggressive 9 times out of 10  we  just want to get it in, leave the wet spot on your side of the bed and go to sleep,

8.       Would it kill you to not flop on top of us after you bust, c’mon we can’t breathe

9.       Asking if we are really on our periods is an insult; would you rather see the proof? Besides asking does not make it go away faster.

10.   We do not like having to beg for it just gives it up and you can go back to doing what you were doing before we asked for it.

11.   Contrary to popular belief, we like it just as much as you do and as we get older – we like it more often, spontaneous, creative, and everywhere.  

12.   Everything that you did to get me in the beginning, continue to do that and add on it. Teas me when you walk by - man handle me occasionally.

Again, we don’t want to hurt you, but just make things better. The truth is that you don’t know the other side of us. Grant it we take the blame for not exposing you to it. We just know that if you were exposed you may become over whelmed at the depth and breadth of our sexual side and could possibly go into overload and explode. This side is something you must be eased into and is not for the faint at heart. Just know that once the box is open there is not putting the lid back on and you must keep up with the demand.

Rest up and eat your spinach because the Bunnie Contingency Containment Plan can only last for so long before it gets tossed.